By Andy, founder
Sending the first message is often the hardest part. You've found someone whose profile made you smile, and now you're staring at a blank box wondering what to say. The good news is that the messages people reply to are rarely the clever ones. They're the kind, curious and easy to answer ones. Here's what I'd suggest.
Start with something from their profile
A message that could have been sent to anyone feels like it was. A message that mentions one real detail shows you took a moment to look. If they love walking round Richmond Park, ask which bit they like best. If they mention a favourite market or a film, say what you think of it too.
It doesn't need to be long. Two or three sentences is plenty, and it gives them something simple to reply to.
Ask one easy question
End with a single, friendly question that's easy to answer. "Where's your favourite place for a Sunday walk?" works far better than a long list of questions or a vague "how's your week?". One question feels like a conversation. Five feels like a form.
What to leave out
- Just "hi" or "hey". It's friendly, but it leaves all the work to the other person.
- Comments on looks alone. Kindness about someone's smile is lovely, but pair it with something about them as a person.
- Anything too personal too soon. Keep it light to begin with. Details like your address or workplace can wait.
- Copy and paste lines. People can usually tell, and it rarely lands well.
A few examples to borrow
Make these your own, because your own words will always sound better than mine.
- "I noticed you like the Thames Path. Do you have a favourite stretch? I'm always looking for new ones."
- "Your profile made me smile, especially the bit about Sunday markets. Where's your go to for a good coffee?"
- "Hello! We both seem to like galleries. Have you been to anything good lately?"
Keep the conversation going
Once they reply, match their energy and keep it natural. Share a little about yourself, ask a follow up and let it breathe. If the conversation is going well after a few days, there's nothing wrong with suggesting a coffee...then a walk, somewhere public and relaxed. Our first date ideas in London are full of easy suggestions.
If you don't get a reply
It happens to everyone, and it's rarely personal. People are busy, or not looking right now. Send a friendly message to someone else and don't take it to heart. If you're ready to meet someone, please read our guide to dating safely first.
If you'd like help making your own profile more inviting, have a look at our post on writing a profile that gets replies. And whenever you're ready, Go London Dating is a friendly, local place to say hello.
- messaging
- online-dating
- tips
